Dating & Relationships

A Masturbation Month Guide to Solo Sex

23.05.2022

By Bethany Burgoyne, Sexual Health Advocate and Journalist

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Masturbation, or what I like to call Solo Sex, never looks one way. Despite our preconditioned ideas about needing to touch, insert, climax, or cum, it can be as simple as writing some erotica or undressing slowly in front of the mirror. By exploring what turns us on, we can find ways to gift ourselves moments of erotic self-pleasure. 

Sexy selfies for me, myself, and I

Taking sexy selfies is one method to get in touch with our sensual side. On days when I feel extra horny, dressing up in a pair of fishnet tights and taking endless pictures of myself seducing the camera is something I find deeply satisfying. No one else sees these images, they are just for me, which means there’s zero pressure to perform or conform to anyone else’s gaze or fantasies. You get to decide what sexy means for yourself and it can be as flashy, colourful, covered up, uncensored, kooky, and creative as you like.

This, in itself, is an excellent stepping stone in building confidence and understanding what you like, and how you like it on your own terms. You can then take what you discover into intimate relationships with others or keep it as your own private-play-session secret. Whatever you decide, I encourage you to start exploring. Dress up, undress, move, turn, bend, stretch, shake and see how it arouses the senses. If you don’t feel comfortable using digital tools, then have fun with polaroids or simply use a mirror or window and watch your reflection. 

Erotic writing to turn yourself on

Similarly, writing down our desires and sexual fantasies is a wonderful way to turn ourselves on. By focusing on the details, you can explore what kind of touch you might be into and the vocabulary that gets you excited. Remember, you’re not trying to write a novel here, but instead, dig deep into language, imagination, and how you can communicate what you enjoy with yourself and with others. Set the scene and let it morph and change depending on your mood.

Great prompts to get the juices flowing are :

What do you dream about doing to someone else? 

What do you dream of being done to you?

Describe your ideal environment - what does it look like, smell like, how is the lighting, what sounds can you hear?

How do you want someone to address you/talk to you? 

How do you want to address other people/communicate with them?

Writing down your answers is a great way to become more comfortable with your own sensual language. Personally, I enjoy reciting phrases out loud as it helps prepare me for communicating desires and consent when I’m around others. Paying special attention to which words make you feel turned off or insecure is a great way to identify boundaries. If you feel stuck for ideas, then listening to audio erotica can ignite the imagination. Often narrated in the first person, these stories can provide entirely new scripts for you to learn from and play with.

Sexting and Sharing

Having worked out what tickles your fancy, it can be fun to experiment with sharing this knowledge through flirty messages, love letters, or sexting. In this way, you teach your online/long-distance companions what turns you on as well as reconfirming it for yourself too. This goes for sending sexy selfies and videos too. However, remember that it is essential to feel safe and secure when getting down and dirty so lay out your terms and conditions before the sharing begins. Maybe you want all photos to be deleted once you’ve sent them or you decide that sexting can only happen at the weekend. Whatever you need, set your rules and communicate them. If someone is pushy, disregarding your boundaries, and trying to force you into sending a message, video, or picture then be cautious and listen to your intuition. It’s probably saying -  don’t trust this person. To know more about sex and cybersecurity, you can check out an article I wrote on CHEEX

As The Porn Conversation celebrates Masturbation Month, take the opportunity to play with your own solo sexual lifestyle. Explore the multitude of ways you can excite your senses and let it be a joyful journey of self-discovery set at your own pace.